A topic rarely spoken about amongst climbers, as we seems to have an unspoken rule that you must be “the most psyched”; first one at the crag, last one at the crag, most number of routes in a day, hardest route, most tired from training… I could go on… So when that fire isn’t there you feel lost and guilty that you don’t want to go climbing. However, it seems to be a feeling that effects everyone from time to time, whether it is temporary or long term; a few days, weeks, months or maybe even longer.
Mine started lagging a few years back, I’m not sure there was a specific point, it just seemed like a gradual build up. Four years ago I hurt my back and since then it has been emotionally and physically challenging to get better, with constant set backs and some life changing decisions. I’d like to thinking I am coming out the other side of it now but I am quite a different person, hopefully much wiser and more well rounded.
I have climbed my whole life and it is something I have always been incredibly passionate about. I did it because I loved it but mainly because I loved the moments I got to share and experience with my family and friends, from competitions to adventurous trad. It is not something I am proud to admit but I now can see that somewhere along the way internal love and passion got muddle up with externally driven motivations; grades, achieving and being the best. Externally driven goals have a small pot to pull from and eventually them become not enough and the psych and passion dwindles.
Over the last year or so I been picking apart this complex web of emotions I have with climbing, muddling my way though and actually talking about it for the first time. I made a few changes but ironically I still went to Spain this year with a goal to climb 8c (not really knowing why apart from the fact that I thought it was a life goal of mine), I failed, I was pretty devastated at the time. However, injury and failure is only an opportunity to learn, something I now can only say a few weeks afterwards. These two things have been my biggest teaches over the years.
Taking a step back and looking in from the outside I can now see that there is a much bigger world out there than just climbing. I am extremely proud of everything I have already achieved with my climbing and I also know that physically I could do much more and climb harder. It might sound daft, but the biggest turning point was realising that there is much more important things in my life and that there is too much I’d have to sacrifice to climb at my maximum. I have full respect for those that can dedicate their life to training and being the best but that is not what I love nor why I started climbing.
Don’t get me wrong I still love climbing but I don’t want it to be the soul purpose of my life. Instead I’m going back to my roots, which is in fact just enjoying being in the outdoors, in what ever form that may look like; climbing, scrambling, walking, biking, surfing, swimming etc and most importantly having these adventures with the people you love. This is what is makes my heart sing and gets me most psyched.
Realising this, I am now the happiest I’ve been in years.
Great change of attitude towards one way of experiencing yourself, friends and nature. I wish you more insights in your being and loads of fun feeling and expressing yourself in whatever outlet this might be.
Very cool.. Thanks for putting your thoughts where others can see them..
This is exactly what I needed to read at this point in my life. I started climbing late in life, at the age of 24, and it took over. I was obsessed. I am now a climbing coach and route setter in Bozeman, MT and am totally immersed in the climbing culture. Except I find myself not being psyched to go try my projects when I have time and realized that I was feeling held back from other hobbies and aspects of my life. This certainly resonates with me and I am trying my best to branch out and doing other things that I love. I really appreciate your honesty. Thank you very much for sharing!
Wise and honest words. Much respect.